so lately several things have made me feel quite "old".
mostly, i think it's the fact that i work with an 18 year old office assistant (who i love and is quite cute and funny) who doesn't know anything from the 80s exists and much of the early 90s as well. we educate her on a daily basis with a lot of assistance from youtube and it always results in hilarity.
i use eyecream for fine lines and dark circles. effective but also contributes to the feeling of oldness.
i am the person who calls in the neighbors for thumping their music and no longer the neighbor thumping said music.
my age is 28. i'm ten years older than the 18 year old at work. i'm closer to 30 than i've ever been.
i have aches and pains i didn't used to. my right knee has been achey lately and never has been before. my right toe aches sometimes which makes me wonder if i have gout, and then i think oh really, gout you're 28 not 68, but i'm also somewhat of a self diagnoser, but i digress.
i prefer older music to the the most recent releases. i like the 90s music over the music of today, the music of my youth.
i am not very social, and i am totally okay with it. when i was younger, i wanted to be doing something constantly. now, i am more content with a book, the t.v., my dog etc...
i'm tired a lot. more than i'm not. i don't remember being this tired at 18. when i was a freshman in college, i could stay up til 4am then get up at 9 and go to class. i would drop dead with less than 8 hours of sleep at this point in my life (which also leads me to believe having an infant would be less than desirable, but again, i digress).
i have some fond memories of my younger days that i reminisce on, books i read, time with my grandparents, time on the farm growing up etc...but i am reminiscing, that's the main point. old people reminisce.
there are more i'm sure. i've just been little things here and there a lot lately. it doesn't really bother me as i look foward to being super old like 80 and crabby, kicking it in the nursing home doing whatever i want and getting away with it because i'm old like granny eddings did. just something i've picked up on frequently.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
TEN ON TUESDAY!
1. my back is bloody killing me. i called the pain management dr today, because this is very odd. i haven't had hardly any pain since the 2nd surgery, and it makes me quite nervous. he's supposed to be getting back to me. until then, i'm doping up and going to bed early tonight. don't judge me.
2. i had a dr tell me a patient was "doped up to her eyelids" the other day. it took all the physical restraint i had not to laugh.
3. i get insurance friday! praise Jesus! i can actually go to the dr if need be.
4. so, i had to take sonic (16 pound cat) to the vet for his shots yesterday and paco (12 pound dog) came along for the ride. what an exciting trip it was! sonic got some topical stuff to the back of his neck and freaked the flip out. he started jumping 4 feet in the air and twisting mid air, growling, then rolling over and playing dead. i thought he might die and i wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, but...the vet said he just didn't like the way it felt on his skin. since he was freaking out, i took him off the leash and put him in a cardboard pet taxi via the vet. i thought we were cool until on the way home, it started hopping across the seat at me! there were holes so he could breathe, and he started punching his paws out of it! and i started screaming and laughing and then he started biting his way out! omg, i nearly peed myself.
5. i'm doing my best with madie. i live in fear that it's not good enough. she wears me out quite frequently, and i have to take breaks and make sure i'm not being my parents. it really is a struggle for me as i had come to terms with never having children for fear of ruining them. i haven't come to terms with the fact that i do now have a child. i'm constantly trying. i'm constantly learning. i'm constantly childproofing, putting things back where i want them and trying to be less anal retentive about things. i like things where they go. i like them to be where i left them. i am trying very hard to let that not rule me and let madie be a kid. it is not easy. i am trying so hard not to screw this kid up. there are so many people in her life, i feel it is inevitable that someone will screw up, but i'm trying hard for it not to be me. i don't know if i want to have one of my own. i go back and forth thinking it will be easier if i raise them from birth and it would be harder as well. i live in fear of losing it and screaming irrationally or becoming depressed and catatonic. i basically live in fear of screwing them up, putting them in therapy for years, and having them work so hard to be normal, because obviously, i know how hard that is. things are going well with brandon.
6. i am still quite happy with my new job. i do wish i was independently wealthy and didn't have to work and could just sit at home, watch my stories and eat bon bons, and i'm not ashamed of that.
7. dad has been going to the dr quite a bit as of late. he is having some chest and stomach discomfort. he has had several tests run, but no conclusive results yet. i gave him some serious nursing education today, but he is stubborn dope sometimes, and i don't think it got through. i then called mom and jennifer who are both in close proximity and thoroughly educated them as well.
8. i think "dope" is the word of the day for this post. i miss peewee herman. what happened to good, quality kid shows? the crap on disney and nickelodeon these days is not quality. madie and i watch the old shows like fraggle rock, smurfs, and whatever else i can find on cartoon network. we do like phineas and ferb though.
9. my job is having a prom saturday. true life, i'm 28 and going to the prom. get pumped up people. i got a cocktail dress and i'm not gonna lie, i'm a little excited. i'll let you know how it goes.
10. i am currently reading the distant hours by kate morton. excellent. i also have several backed up for when i'm done. brings me joy.
2. i had a dr tell me a patient was "doped up to her eyelids" the other day. it took all the physical restraint i had not to laugh.
3. i get insurance friday! praise Jesus! i can actually go to the dr if need be.
4. so, i had to take sonic (16 pound cat) to the vet for his shots yesterday and paco (12 pound dog) came along for the ride. what an exciting trip it was! sonic got some topical stuff to the back of his neck and freaked the flip out. he started jumping 4 feet in the air and twisting mid air, growling, then rolling over and playing dead. i thought he might die and i wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, but...the vet said he just didn't like the way it felt on his skin. since he was freaking out, i took him off the leash and put him in a cardboard pet taxi via the vet. i thought we were cool until on the way home, it started hopping across the seat at me! there were holes so he could breathe, and he started punching his paws out of it! and i started screaming and laughing and then he started biting his way out! omg, i nearly peed myself.
5. i'm doing my best with madie. i live in fear that it's not good enough. she wears me out quite frequently, and i have to take breaks and make sure i'm not being my parents. it really is a struggle for me as i had come to terms with never having children for fear of ruining them. i haven't come to terms with the fact that i do now have a child. i'm constantly trying. i'm constantly learning. i'm constantly childproofing, putting things back where i want them and trying to be less anal retentive about things. i like things where they go. i like them to be where i left them. i am trying very hard to let that not rule me and let madie be a kid. it is not easy. i am trying so hard not to screw this kid up. there are so many people in her life, i feel it is inevitable that someone will screw up, but i'm trying hard for it not to be me. i don't know if i want to have one of my own. i go back and forth thinking it will be easier if i raise them from birth and it would be harder as well. i live in fear of losing it and screaming irrationally or becoming depressed and catatonic. i basically live in fear of screwing them up, putting them in therapy for years, and having them work so hard to be normal, because obviously, i know how hard that is. things are going well with brandon.
6. i am still quite happy with my new job. i do wish i was independently wealthy and didn't have to work and could just sit at home, watch my stories and eat bon bons, and i'm not ashamed of that.
7. dad has been going to the dr quite a bit as of late. he is having some chest and stomach discomfort. he has had several tests run, but no conclusive results yet. i gave him some serious nursing education today, but he is stubborn dope sometimes, and i don't think it got through. i then called mom and jennifer who are both in close proximity and thoroughly educated them as well.
8. i think "dope" is the word of the day for this post. i miss peewee herman. what happened to good, quality kid shows? the crap on disney and nickelodeon these days is not quality. madie and i watch the old shows like fraggle rock, smurfs, and whatever else i can find on cartoon network. we do like phineas and ferb though.
9. my job is having a prom saturday. true life, i'm 28 and going to the prom. get pumped up people. i got a cocktail dress and i'm not gonna lie, i'm a little excited. i'll let you know how it goes.
10. i am currently reading the distant hours by kate morton. excellent. i also have several backed up for when i'm done. brings me joy.
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